Life's full of surprises.

Want a joke? I got a mail from Tartu University yesterday - when I saw it in mailbox I didn't really suspect anything, but actully...

...one of the people that they had chosen for the conference declined their invitation. They wrote me, as I was the next candidate in their list. So, apparently...


...I am going to Tartu, Estonia. In a month. Huh.


I was so terrified! You know, it was just completely out of the blue, so unexpected! But I can't miss the chance.

I'm still freaking out, because I have to hurry up, I have a huge number of formalities to fox, with a visa and everything, but still - it must be great. And Imust not fuck up.

Let it be my 15 minutes of fame, not shame, PLEASE, dear Lord.

I haven't died apparently, I'm still here - I just didn't feel like writing. Things to tell?

- We had a lecture of a Stasbourg University professor. He speaks perfect Russian and is absolutly charmant - I guess we all  (girl part) had a tiny crush on him.

- After finishing monsieur Sartre's "The Nausea" (brilliant) I couldn't resist and succumbed to the desire to read Nabokov's "Other shores" over. And let me declare him as a Kinf of Inversions, because he is.

- I'm attending MM's concert in may.

- I feel like the Western History textbook is one of the saddest books ever - there's nothing that would be that good at breading the wanderlust.

- Deutsch gives me goosebumps. In a good way. And I have some curious plans for summer holidays, hmmmm, fingers crossed.  

I've just discovered that two of the previous posts are quite identical.

Okay, what to add? I want to throw out when I hear the TV-lies about the President elections and spend evening with Bulgakov's biographies.


And I really hope that Marietta Chudakova qould come to our Uni one day. And I's also like to see Irina Prokhorova. Well, this Sunday we're having a lecture by a Strasbourg University professore - sound curious.





Have to write a good deal of reviews recently.

I'm here, actually.

I'm writing a coursework, drink red wine, eat homemade cookies, read Jean-Paul Sartre, I hope I'm fine.

The lazy week is almost over.

I reas Tom Stoppad, Jean-Paul Sartre, freaking out becaused of the upcoming study week, write the coursework line-by-line, watch the pre-election debates.

The president elections are this Sunday, so siclky predictable.

IAMX ARE COMING, can I just repeat this, please? Chris Corner will be performing here, in Msc.


And by the way, I have a chance to go to UK or Germany for practising this summer, I don't want to miss a chance. I start to understand German better and better, but I guess it would be wise to choose Britain at this very moment.

MM, IAMX and Placebo come to Moscow.

Is it a joke or a blessing?



P.S. There're writers who make me wanna write.

Strange things going on inside my head: I am way too afraid to get attached, can't stop thinking the things over and it's sucking me in deeper.


And I guess Hemungway was very right when he said: "write drunk, edit sober" - maybe this would help me to let myself free?

Things are fine. Yesterday was pretty nice - I spent time in two very different companies:
1) with my fellow philologists, mostly girls.
2) on my friend's birthday, mostly guys.

A funny contrast! I wish I had more time for my coursework, by the way.

Oh I am  quite a chaotic one


My confusion shows as the holes in me (c)


My ribcage is to tight for all the rhymes I can't let out.

Tomorrow is a day off and it's almost unbearably things. And isn't it weird how you crave something for so long, but when it comes straight to you, you get scared?

I feel like changing the topic of my coursework - or rather narrowing. It turns out that "Moscow of 1923 in the works by M.Bulgakov and other Soviet authors" is quite a broad theme - interesting, though. I've already written something - well, maybe I've even written quite a lot - but it's so chaotic ans unstructured now. While working with my texts I've noticed a curious thing about Bulgakov's feulliotons and want to work with this motive, looking at the image of Moscow from quite a certain point of view. I am assure that all my findings will be helpful and all the time was not spent in vain. Maybe it's a somewhat daring decision, as there's no much time left, but still that's how I feel it should.

Here, by the way. is another conference I'd like to participate in, after I failed going to Tartu.

Okay, right now I finish the third mug of lemongrass tea (who could expect it to be so good? a rhetorical question, well) and go to finish my Deutsch and read a bit.
X.

I've read an article written by Maritetta Chudakova dedicated to the Soviet lexicon in "The Master and Margarita". M.Ch. is one of the most famous Russian philologists, specialised mostly in M.Bulgakov (but not only). People often criticise her for openly and obviously disliking and despising Soviet times. But is it something to be blamed for?

Actually the article, though finely written, made me shiver - because of the content. Liebe Gott, how disgusted I am by all the things connected with Soviet Russia. It's the blackest point in the History of Russia - although there were many, to be honest. I've never been particularly patriotic, neither I am now, but I am insanely glad that I was born after the USSR collapse.


Little P.S.: my plans are still relevany, hopes die last and so on. I decided something years ago not to give up easily. 

Anhedonistic tendencies.That's first.

The second - I seem to dislike people these days. Even those people that I generally like. I blame it on tiredness.

At least tomorrow is a fine days - two "Deutschstunden" and Culturology. Our Culturology professor has a wonderfully relaxing and soothing voice. And he tells such interesting things - I wonder why people seem not to like his lectures much and find them boring.  

Well.

I got an answer from Tartu University - they haven't chosen me. Not sure of I am upset or not - this would be very stressful and I am fed up with stresses. But it would be good chance - and I've never been to Estonia. And it's also never pleasant to be rejected. However, it's not the last conference.

I found something that might be interesting as well (another conference - details later) - I need to check the things out and to talk them over with my supervisor before I decide anything.  

I need some luck. And an Irish coffee wouldn't hurt.

Who gives a damn about Saint Valentine's day?

I let my emotions out today, and now I feel very embaressed. I obviously overacted and definetly said to much.

I had weird things curling and getting twisted in my had.

I was told thar I have an "unusual acent" when I speak English but "it doesn't sound like Russian".

We've had an evening lecture again, presented by the Labaratory of Linguosemiotics.

And, continuing this personal-pronouns-tradition: I'm glad it's almost Saturday.

I need something deep and philosophical to read - like Hermann Hesse. Let it be Hesse.

I woke up with a desire to go to Bergen a couple of weeks ago.

keep breathing.

The week's pace is much more relaxed and it'sa pleasant change. I can spend mornings wrapped in the blanket, with a cup of coffee or chai latte and chocolate covered prunes, reading something or doing the homework for English or German classes. The only day I have to come to the Uni at nine a.m. is Freitag, oh, I mean, Friday.

And now, as the first half of the thing is done, I can tell. I sent my apllication to the Tartu University - for participating in the conference dedicated to the Russian Literature and Culture. I refuse to call myself a "Russian philologist" or even a "Slavic philologist" (it's even less like truth), even the aspiring one, but I love Litereture - Russian too - I quite like studying philogy, I must confess, and I hope my work about Bulgakov might interest someone. Anyway, I need practice in such things and I've never been to Estonia - any of Baltic countries, actually, so it would be nice if they accepted my application. If they don't - nevermind. I'll try next time. We'll see anyway.


And! I am constantly freezing, the frost is bad, but I still prefer cold weather over cold. Yes-yes.  

+ bonus: super-serious face, so i'd rather you focused on my scarf.

I 've been so exhausted these days because of our crazy schedule that I ended up bursting into tears a couple of time, which is totally unacceptable. I blame it on the weather.

I want to some gallery because I long for art, I want peppermint cocoa and 24 hours of good sleep.

Well, I have lychees and instead of making dramas I better go an read some drama.

We are talking about schlaflosigkeit* on German classes and it seems like the causes of all disorders are restricted by stresses and overworking. I can't decide wether I work too much or too little.

*Insomnia.

skip it.

I write quite pathetic thing and leave them among all the other text files in my computer, feeling ashamed of them. I am fine, quite fine, but I feel so...decadent. This is the word.

This too shall pass. But I move cyclically. I get back to all the points. What's wrong?