i haven't said this, you haven't heard this.

One month has passed.
I feel how some things change - inside and outside. And some - those that are not comething worth keeping - do not.


I am, like, frozen. In time, in space, just frozen. 

I can be also found here now, check my bookshelf: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/6481356-martina-m

And make sure you are following my flickr updates: http://www.flickr.com/photos/marti_m/

The heating is finally on! Alright, I'll survive the autumn. With chai tea and good tracks in my ipod especially. 

I'm quite far from NYC...

...but this seems to match my mood for some reason.

#nowplaying: we are scientists

My levels of laziness are pushing all the limits. I was honestly trying to study when I came back home from Uni - and, fair to say, I did study - spent a couple of hours with my german homework (it's huge) but I just can't make myself sit and write at least a paragraph for my literature project (I should compare two poems and find out if one of them is used as another one's subtext).

well i think i deserve some rest.

Weeks are fast-flying, but not easy-going! Days are filled with coffee, notes, books and chilly winds. I get headaches, I'm being a nerd, I eat quite a lot of dark chocolate.

My mood is better.

But I still feel complicated.

I have some troubles with Linguistics now. The subject itself is interesting...well, in general. But phonetics! I can't focus on the lectures and just float in space. This is just not my thing.

I am so worried about my future. I am so much afraid of struggling in vain. Or struggling for something false. 

Tori Amos - Raspberry Swirl

I crave a piece of carrot cake! With a tiny marzipan carrot on top.


I and I can't help feeling tired. Have many time have I mentioned it this far?


And I wish I could say I'm free of doubts.

I must confess I don't feel very good these days - both physically and inwardly. My body temperature keeps being a little bit lower than normal, it doesn't get higher than 36 degrees. Not critical, I just get some headaches and feel tired, but this doesn't make me any more cheerful.

No time - well, this is not new. Disgusting deja vu feeling.


This too shall pass.

I don't usually like russian poetry in english translation.

but i like this. just read.


February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing,
While torrential slush that roars
Burns in the blackness of the spring.

Go hire a buggy. For six grivnas,
Race through the noice of bells and wheels
To where the ink and all you grieving
Are muffled when the rainshower falls.
 
To where, like pears burnt black as charcoal,
A myriad rooks, plucked from the trees,
Fall down into the puddles, hurl
Dry sadness deep into the eyes.
 
Below, the wet black earth shows through,
With sudden cries the wind is pitted,
The more haphazard, the more true
The poetry that sobs its heart out.
 
(c) Boris Pasternak

My home is really cold as the heating is not turned on yet. I am warming by herbal tea and read Pottermore.

The weather swings don't do any good for me - my body temperature is low and I feel a little amoebic.    

circus, oh, i mean, politics.

Wow! What a surprise! What a dramatic turn! Breaking news!

Ha-ha-ha.

Dandelione wine.

“I want to feel all there is to feel, he thought. Let me feel tired, now, let me feel tired. I mustn't forget, I'm alive, I know I'm alive, I mustn't forget it tonight or tomorrow or the day after that.”
― Ray Bradbury

I was rewatching HP and the Goblet of Fire when I checked the mail and found my Pottermore letter. I feel like I'm 12 years old again but this is curious.

*shed a tear*

I will write something decent, I promise. But right now I just want to close my eyes and have a little rest.

I feel so exhausted in the end of the week, I don't know how I will be able to deal with studying on Saturdays!

The weather changes every day - it's warm, then it's cold, then it's raining, then the wind's blowing. I got caught in the rain today and, obviously, got drenched. I hope I won't catch cold! I can't miss studies now.

http://www.trekearth.com/

all those pictures suck me in.
just look through them. 

in case you forgot what my face looks like.
and now i go to sleep. i pass out and can't type.

blurry.

I have these goals, these idealistic images inside my head, but sometimes I feel like they are a little blurry. This all is just planning and thinking now, but one day I'll have to act instead of thinking. Not like I am not doing anything now. I do. I struggle for this distant vague goals, but from time to time I get terrified, wondering: what on Earth will I do if all my directions turn out to be false? where will I be? what, damn it, what will I become?

I will be lost in the middle of the ocean. Will be left to drown.


That's horrifying.

This week began nicely.

Things to write down:

I want to work on my speaking skills more when it comes to English. I crave stroopwafels. I miss French, imagine! But I absolutely adore learning German now.

And I feel very sleepy.

Have a pleasant week.

The Kills - Night Train.

Just fits perfectly to my mood.

Hooray! I chose Sociology of Advertisment as an extra-class. I will attend it in the third ans fourth modules and pass the exam for this discipline just as well as for those that are in a regular curriculurm and in the end of my 4-year-studying I will have a statement in my diploma, saying that I've completed this course. OH YES.

I'm a step closer, am I not?

I had been seriously thinking about enrolling to the Faculty of Advertisment because right now I (still) see only this as my future career. But then I make a choice of philology and I don't regret - I want to have this strong base as my advantage. Telling you more, I have some huge plans for getting a master's degree, but I will tell this later. Finger crossed! I MUST make it work, anyway. And never give up. Never stop fighting.  

at last.

The new video of gorgeous IAMX is finally released! After the first watch I wasn't completely sure if I liked it or not, but after the second (and third, and...ok.) watch I must say I love it.  This is just so insane - soft white assylum walls, Chris in Hersheys chocolate syrup, the band under the pouring rain, Janine as a pereverted nun - one of their best their videos this far.

And the song, I love the song, it feels close to my heart and mind - but i prefer the original version, i think.

Well done, X.



I'm no bird and no net ensnares me (c)

Aha, I have watched "Jane Eyre" (the last version) today. Finally! I was supposed to do this long before today.

I don't have a whole impression - maybe it's just the question of time, I don't know. On the one hand - amazing cast (Mia is a prefect Jane, I've always said this), beautiful filming - i loved the image of England, quite atmospheric, the great base of Charlotte Bronte's book, finally! But on the other hand - too many, way too many discrepancies with the original plot. And also too many thing added but the directer (who is talented, no doubts, but). So I am not sure.

My Mom, who have not read the book loved the movie. I know that if I hadn't read it, I would love the movie too. But I have read. And I find all the attempts to re-write the classics to be lame.

But Mia! Mia! Still wonderful. 

I CAN'T MORE WAIT.

I appreciate Fridays so much right now, as i used to study on Saturday before and it's really likely that I will do again soon, after the first module is over. I haven't opened a single textbook since I came home, haven't written a single line, I just need a little time for myself. Not like this is gonna be for long - there's SO much work ahead!

My head is vague right now. I'll save some words for later times.


Stay in tune.

now playing: IAMX - Lulled by numbers

I am so tired I can hardly type. And I had a little meltdown today. And I miss old fine Europe.

I find a souvenir from Amsterdam. I miss NL.

I should better off with sentences starting with "I".

I'm supposed to be having fun with on the concert of Italian rockers now but I'm sitting here, drown and lost in books, having mini panic-attacks caused by having no time and a load of unfinished jobs.

I'll be fine.

restroom star ;D

Oops!

I had a huge gap between my german lesson and a seminare.

Phew! Overdrive! I don't even want to go deeper in the details, I will just say that everything is fine but I'm exhausted and it's not even the mid-week! Phew.  

Following two rules (no complaining and realising the importace of studying),  I have nothing to tell.


Back to my constant point: I want to flee somewhere when nobody knows me and I know nobody. 

Haven't I mentioned that I'm in love with my English course? Guess what we have for home reading!

Bradbury's "Dandellion Wine".

11.09

It's been 10 years since the World Trade Centre terroristic attack. But it is still so horrifying and so, so wild - seeing the footage, documental movies, seeing the photos and thanking fate that you wasn't here, nobody of you nearest and dearest was. I was a child back then, hardly ever watched news and didn't care much about America. I guess I was scared though, but wasn't able to comprehend the size of the tragedy fully.

I am quite far from America and always thought myself as a "European kind of mind", but I infinitely admire American people for the strength, stamina and unity they showed. Just civil people.


Let's be honest - not so many people know whar really happened that bitter day. What really caused the tragedy.

But it makes us learn to appreciate our lives, to appreciate what we have. I sound like a cliche, but watching the documentaries over and over is like a shakedown. Everytime.

I can't express all my sympathy to the victims and all those who loved him.

Rest in peace. Sleep tight.

now playing: Suede - Sleeping pills

I gave up my russian blog and I feel guilty. But every blog that remembers more than me feels like an anchor pulling me down. I usually change the place in this case. Well, I'll stay here for a while - at least there's a space for language practice.

The weather is gray and awful. It's been raining for several days. I love rains but not this drizzling annoying kind, especially when it's mixed with wind.

Oh wow. It's Friday.

It 15 minutes it will be Saturday, actually. I would call the day productive, if I didn't almost-fail  the test which I obviously could do fine.  Maybe this was my nerves or should have looked through the Plato's text before the  test, i don't know (i wanted to, but i had no chance to - too long and boring to tell why). Ok, this blietz-test will be a usual thing for philosophy course, I have to do better the next time. Times. I should work harder.


The evening wasn't productive, though. I intended to buy an e-book reader but, ehm, I didn't. For several reasons.

1) I hate e-books. But there's no way to go without a reader now, I just can't carry all the textbooks with me. Actually, not all the books can be found in the libraries or bookshops easily.
2) I hate e-book readers. They have a horrible interface. All of them. Agrh. Take another look at №1.
3) I got distracted by I-Pads. Evil useless things. But so addictive. And pretty. And good for reading electronic books. But I'm a student, I can't afford such a thing.
4) I was out of sorts because of that test and couldn't make a choice. I'll make another attempt tomorrow. 

Thursday is survived.

Apparently, the day wasn't as tough as I'd expected. Tomorrow is not gonna be an easy day, but quite an interesting one - two german lessons and two philosophy lectures (one lecture and a seminar, to be certain), we'll be discussing Plato. I was really impressed by his "Symposium" and look forward to share my opinion.

Studies, studies, studies - all I'm engaged with now, but I must make it work somehow.

p.a. just a link I don't want to lose:
http://www.hse.ru/news/1163611/34807584.html 

HERMIONE, I NEED YOUR TIME TURNER!

My brain is actually boiling. I don't know how it happened that I have so ridiculously little time and so much to do! Well, only me, all the freshmen, but hell, how are we supposed to manage this? And this module is supposed to be an "easy one"! But at least thing we are doing and learning are quite interesting, although I haven't used to the terminology (lingustic, mostly) and the amount of information we get!

Tomorrow is gonna be pretty tough. And the Friday too. This evening was productive, but I'm supposed to be reading a book about the Crisis of medieval Russia and I just can't focus. Meh.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Moodmaker!

Sprechen sie Deutsch?

I had my first German lesson today. It was cool, although quite simple - we start from the very basics. I'm excited to continue and I definitely don't regret choosing German over French for this year!

Moreover! German and Dutch belong to the same language group. So, if I don't give up the cherished idea of learning Dutch, some knowledge of German won't do any harm.

I have the second lesson tomorrow. Can't wait. Tomorrow is a kind of relaxed day in the Uni, actually. I only have an 80-minute English lesson and the same German lesson. So I have time to prepare for the Thursday seminar properly and (finally!) make a synopsis of Plato's Symposium.

Well. I still hope to have my weekend free. I like languages and I like reading, but I want a break from being a nerd.

4-d show on the Moscow State University's facade.

I wasn't watching this live but even on the TV-screen it looked, wow, it looked impressive, I definitely hadn't expected anything that astonishing. Actually, I can see MSU (don't make me speak about the University, please, it harms my ego for some reasons) from my window, but it's quite far, so everything I was able to see from the window were just bright flushes and sparks. Not a pity - I still could watch the fireworks after that ^.^

But this laser show - what a job! Absolutely incredible, I applause.

p.s. the video belongs to Russia Today.



Days are getting colder, studies are getting hotter.  I've been reading Plato's "Symposium" the whole evening and there's still almost a half of the dialogue ahead.

The English course for first two modules is almost perfect - which is good.

I still haven't seen Jane Eyre - which is bad.

I should go back to Plato.

wind in the hair!

same photographer as the previous shots of this series.

well, I guess it's the last one - I don't want to overload my blog with pictures of the same time.

I'm trying to do everything well and start overdoing witch is quite destructive and useless. I make a mess instead of just preparing what i have to normally, i need to STOP this.

White Stone City.

It's the City Day in Moscow. 864'th birthday.

Happy birthday, beautiful destructive town.

Live and flourish.

I won't mention our love/hate relationship this time.

repeat, repeat, repeat.

I think it's my favourite song of Sneaker Pimps. But personally, I still prefer Chris in IAMX.

Do you love yourself?

friendship values.

Just saw the girls off. The evening was sweet, i had really missed this friends' meetings. I used to have a lot of such evening when I was younger, don't know what happened then.

Fascinating, how different the ways whe chose are. One is philologist in progress with far-reaching plans (getting a master's degree in something that can be applied in business. in advertisment, i'm inclined to think now), another one is a medical student (chose this way long ago) and the third is getting a degree in Tourism and Hospitality, although she is not sure if this is really hers yet.

I'm sure that our ways will differ even  more with years.

We will see. 

Hey there!

Right now I am waiting for my friends (with whom we were in primary school) to come. Actually, they are supposed to be here at 7.30 p.m. and the cheese plate is not ready yet! Oops! Okay, I've known them for more than ten years, well enough to predict that they gonna be late.

I'm pretty excited to see them. We used to meet every year after the primary school graduation to celebrate the beginning of academic year but in the recent years this tradition has faded. But it deserves bringing back to life, doesn't it?

My baby is back <3 (and a melon I was craving the whole week but couldn't try as it wasn't ripe enough)

Oh wow! Comprehending how much job there's ahead is terrifying but it feels like a dare game - to find out if I am able to do it all or not. 

By the way, I chose German. I had to do it. Don't ask me for an explanation, just... I felt this way.

Okay. No I'm gone to being a nerd  an intellectual badass and preparing for the Linguistics seminar - it's this Thursday, but I am not sure if I gonna have some spare time this week. And yes, I find the articles we have to read quite interesting.

Heeeell. I have to make a choice between French and German right now. I want to learn German, so much, but I know that if I choose it right now my poor knowledge of French will totally come to naught. So I probably should continue learning French and start German the next year.
I can't decide.
I know I should be wise and choose French but, mein Gott, german seems so appealing to me. 

If everything goes right, i will have my baby ipod back tomorrow! can't wait to see you, my sweet grey friend <3

my 100-th post!

The beginning of studies seems fine! I really enjoyed my first (studying!) day. I'm resting now, drinking earl gray tea, but then I have to go and buy a couple of books. But yet I have some time to write about my first (?) impression.

I shouldn't have worried about that oral interview in English, it was alright. The female teacher was really nice to compliment my essay, which was flattering - she is a teacher of Academic Writing as well!   Introduction to Linguistics seems interesting too this far. A bit too much of information and terminology but I hope I'll make it work.

So, I'm pretty satisfied. And hope to continue in the same way - when I'm rapt and involved in the process I work better. And I have to work harder than ever to achieve my goal.